I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
