I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
