If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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