She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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