So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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