Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The ass gains better be worth it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
