Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
