I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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