Buhtt sex?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize