i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize