Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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