Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
