If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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