I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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