we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
