dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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