The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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