Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
