is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
