TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His hands were made for my vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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