Porn is love you can see.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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