In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
