u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
