you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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