don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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