Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
