Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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