69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
