it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
