Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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