at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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