does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
