I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
