Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
