I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
