I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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