Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize