He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
