i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
