Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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