In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bring money and cleavage
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
