i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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