haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
