you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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