she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
