I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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