Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
