You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
