So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
