Plan B is the new Plan A
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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