my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
