i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
