why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
