The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
