I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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