Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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