Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
