I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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