But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
