he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
