i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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