I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
