so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
