the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
