I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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