Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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