I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
