Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
