If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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