He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
