These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
