I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
